Skinny jeans are everywhere, and clearly are unisex, but are they really good for guys? Alright, let’s face the facts here. If you’re a guy and you’re not looking to impregnate a girl, then you’re not very concerned about the fact that skinny jeans will cause your boys to heat up to levels that are not optimal for the creation of sperm. Right, so we’ve established that younger guys not trying to have babies are fine with skinny jeans, so long as they can get past the fact that their balls are most likely painted to the sides of their legs. Sorry for that graphic image, but take heat, then take skin, then mix the two together and you’ve got some sticky nuts. Unless, of course, you rock your skinny jeans low, in which case your boys are safe from excessive heat levels.
Skinny jeans highlight the features that are normally concealed by the looser fitting, or even baggy, clothes that guys are typically inclined to wear. Unless, of course, they are hipster guys. However, it’s not a fact that all hipsters rock skinny jeans. It doesn’t make you any more “scene,” or more of a hipster to wear skinny jeans, really.
It’s probably common knowledge now to say that skinny jeans are a trendy fashion, but we can’t escape the question: are they worth the drop in comfort? It’s also common knowledge that boys have penises and girls have vaginas, so then, clearly skinny jeans are more comfortable for women: so long as they can fit into a pair properly, right? Then again, you don’t have to be model skinny to rock some skinny jeans, and you can still get the same effect, which to us (if we even notice) is just, “Oh. Look. Those jeans are tight on that person. Skinny jeans. Right. So anyway…”
How can the above pic be comfortable? Do you realize that if that dude broke one of those skinny ass legs, the paramedics would have to bust out some scissors and literally cut the pant leg of the injured limb open? That’s right, they don’t have time to sit around and wait for you to try and wriggle out of your skinny jeans, and if you have a break that’s bad enough it’s probably a bad idea to wriggle around a broken bone. So they skip all that noise and go straight for the scissors. Alternatively, if you were wearing some pants that fit you, those could would still need to sliced up. So, maybe the only pants they wouldn’t have to cut open to access your broken leg would be raver pants. We conclude that raver pants are the only decent pants to break your legs in.
Belt buckle, shoes, bracelet, leather wristbands. Uh, yeah.. All we’re saying is this guy’s shoes are terrible. He needs to move on from those. What he was thinking with those pointed tips? Sigh.
Don’t be fooled though. Celebrities have caught on to the skinny jeans trend as well. That’s right, in some cases, they could very well have been rocking skinny jeans before hipsters. Of course, they might not be quite so blatant in their flaunting of them, but oh yes, they do wear them. Here is a list of the top ten celebrity skinny jeans for everybody who doesn’t know.
1. Britney Spears
Lindsay Lohan / Grey’s Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo
Katie Holmes / Kate Moss
Sugababes Heidi / Mischa Barton
Kate Lawler / Nicky Hilton
Nicole Richie
09/08/09 – ADDENDUM:
Due to several requests, here’s a top ten of male celebrities in skinny jeans. Tongue-in-cheek remarks above aside, we really do like skinny jeans, but as you’ll see from the top 10, there are varying degrees of tightness. We don’t claim our skinny jeans are “tighter than yours,” but it almost seems the tighter the skinny jeans the better. At any rate, check out our selections below, you guys might be surprised by our picks. Both male and female opinions for these selections. Recognize!
1. Theophilus London (Photo: Daniel Warrington). 
Zack Efron
Ashton Kutcher
Brad Pitt
Pete Wentz
Shia Labeouf
The Jonas Brothers
I absolutely love skinny jeans (I’m a girl) I have been wearing them for more than two years now. I feel as though I can’t go back to another fit of pants, to me, I feel that I look like a slob. The pants feel too baggy to wear.
I think that skinny jeans are OK on guys. Some boys shouldn’t wear them because it only makes them look scrawny and childish. Some guys wear them too tight, it’s just really unattractive then. I think straight leg jeans look great on guys.
Those arguing against skinny jeans on guys usually use emotive irrational language and insult those who choose to wear them, or who admire them on guys with good bodies. The worst is all the homophobia it brings out. People should go wear whatever they want, and leave others to wear what they want.
I thought the “terrible” shoes were amazing. Didn’t really like the belt.
the “terrible” shoes look like they have stitches.
Anyone else notice the celeb’s were all women?
skinny jeans were ugly last time they were “cool” (back in the late 80’s – early 90’s), and theyre ugly this time around too. 90% of the people that wear skinny jeans dont have the body for them, so they end up with the muffin top flowing over the waistband and a flat looking ass. the jeans make your feet look massive, and unless you have thighs of steel, skinny jeans make them look like 2 corndogs trying to rub on each other. i cant wait for this trend, and all the other fugly 80’s stuff) to go back in the closets… or the landfills.
I feel as though I can’t go back to another fit of pants, to me, I feel that I look like a slob. The pants feel too baggy to wear… i love skinny jeans
dude i luv skinny jeans i luv how they look, it has better style and i wanna be able 2 show my sneakers from top 2 bottom… i usually just pull them down alittle cus it feels better.
a hipster site knocking skinny jeans?
I’ve taken skinny jeans for granted, now that I can’t wear them for a while. I got caught stealing candy from some random Grocery store in VA, and yeah one of my punishments was no skinny jeans.(haha) Just ridiculous!
SKINNY JEANS SHOULD BURN IN HELL!!
i think skinny jeans are effing awesommme!!
i wear them and so does my bro
theres nothing wrong with guys wearing them.
Skinny jeans are the ugliest thing to crawl out of the 80’s closet. It can’t wait for them to go away, they are unflattering and make your tighs look huge and your ankles look like toothpicks.
Terrible,
just terrible.
And guys I don’t care what you say, you look gay when you wear skinny jeans. Not cool, not scene, just gay.
The worst thing about all this skinny jean madness is the fact im not a little trendy kid i’m a 28 year old man and I can’t find a normal pair of jeans. I have muscular thighs and big feet so I can’t even get these things on. Not only that it’s the fact that my balls are gasping for air. A girl told me one time that it was a scary though to think if her boyfriend could fit all that stuff going on down there in this pair a jeans that i’m sure not even a 12 year old kid could get into. Even if he did he wouldn’t want to wear it.
I suppose that’s a different way to construe it. Never supposed I would hear you say this, however, after all your other posts about iPhones! :P
Can anyone figure out what nikes shia labeouf is wearing? I want so really badly. Those things are beautiful.