Skinny jeans are everywhere, and clearly are unisex, but are they really good for guys? Alright, let’s face the facts here. If you’re a guy and you’re not looking to impregnate a girl, then you’re not very concerned about the fact that skinny jeans will cause your boys to heat up to levels that are not optimal for the creation of sperm. Right, so we’ve established that younger guys not trying to have babies are fine with skinny jeans, so long as they can get past the fact that their balls are most likely painted to the sides of their legs. Sorry for that graphic image, but take heat, then take skin, then mix the two together and you’ve got some sticky nuts. Unless, of course, you rock your skinny jeans low, in which case your boys are safe from excessive heat levels.


Skinny jeans highlight the features that are normally concealed by the looser fitting, or even baggy, clothes that guys are typically inclined to wear. Unless, of course, they are hipster guys. However, it’s not a fact that all hipsters rock skinny jeans. It doesn’t make you any more “scene,” or more of a hipster to wear skinny jeans, really.


It’s probably common knowledge now to say that skinny jeans are a trendy fashion, but we can’t escape the question: are they worth the drop in comfort? It’s also common knowledge that boys have penises and girls have vaginas, so then, clearly skinny jeans are more comfortable for women: so long as they can fit into a pair properly, right? Then again, you don’t have to be model skinny to rock some skinny jeans, and you can still get the same effect, which to us (if we even notice) is just, “Oh. Look. Those jeans are tight on that person. Skinny jeans. Right. So anyway…”


How can the above pic be comfortable? Do you realize that if that dude broke one of those skinny ass legs, the paramedics would have to bust out some scissors and literally cut the pant leg of the injured limb open? That’s right, they don’t have time to sit around and wait for you to try and wriggle out of your skinny jeans, and if you have a break that’s bad enough it’s probably a bad idea to wriggle around a broken bone. So they skip all that noise and go straight for the scissors. Alternatively, if you were wearing some pants that fit you, those could would still need to sliced up. So, maybe the only pants they wouldn’t have to cut open to access your broken leg would be raver pants. We conclude that raver pants are the only decent pants to break your legs in.


Belt buckle, shoes, bracelet, leather wristbands. Uh, yeah.. All we’re saying is this guy’s shoes are terrible. He needs to move on from those. What he was thinking with those pointed tips? Sigh.

Don’t be fooled though. Celebrities have caught on to the skinny jeans trend as well. That’s right, in some cases, they could very well have been rocking skinny jeans before hipsters. Of course, they might not be quite so blatant in their flaunting of them, but oh yes, they do wear them. Here is a list of the top ten celebrity skinny jeans for everybody who doesn’t know.

1. Britney Spears

Lindsay Lohan / Grey’s Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo

Katie Holmes / Kate Moss

Sugababes Heidi / Mischa Barton

Kate Lawler / Nicky Hilton

Nicole Richie

09/08/09 – ADDENDUM:

Due to several requests, here’s a top ten of male celebrities in skinny jeans. Tongue-in-cheek remarks above aside, we really do like skinny jeans, but as you’ll see from the top 10, there are varying degrees of tightness. We don’t claim our skinny jeans are “tighter than yours,” but it almost seems the tighter the skinny jeans the better. At any rate, check out our selections below, you guys might be surprised by our picks. Both male and female opinions for these selections. Recognize!

1. Theophilus London (Photo: Daniel Warrington).

Machinedrum (Right/Brown Tee)

Gabe Saporta

Kanye West

Zac Efron

Ashton Kutcher

Brad Pitt

Pete Wentz

Shia Labeouf

The Jonas Brothers